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Six Rules of Karaoke Song Singing

Rule one: Full action.

This is a term created by a karaoke-obsessed Indonesian journalist called Donny Dahono, the very first bloke to ever drag us along to karaoke, who would blow up with rage if the singer remaining seated, turned away through the crowd, or offered everything less than what he understood to be “full action”. Donny makes a crucial point. It's unlikely that any of us can really sing in any case so why not over-compensate with stage profile? Also, to use a radio term, there should never be any “dead air”. When you get in make sure everyone has a song lined up and wait the turn for the first hour, before taking on all-comers in a shameless bet to sing everything.

Rule two: Respect the song.

As a wise karaoke-loving friend sets it: “Karaoke’s not there to become taken seriously, but it’s not with regards to showing off or taking the mickey.” Karaoke should not be approached with a sense of slacker paradox. Air Supply, Barry Manilow, Your Carpenters…these are great artists. And if you're singing All Out of Love, Mandy or perhaps Superstar, remember you are privileged you are to have custody for these a classic song and should make an effort to do it justice over the coming three minutes.

Rule three: Respect the singer.

Anyone that is up there having a go should be supported. They should stop laughed at, heckled, howled down. Vocal along is fine, but they shouldn't be drowned out. And until the song is a duet, usually do not join the singer on stage unless invited. In addition - despite those advertising and marketing opportunists at Idol turning William “She Bangs” Hung into a minor star, you'll find nothing innately funny about individuals singing in an Asian accentuate, even if they are doing Crocodile Rock.

Rule four: Duets are fine yet no group songs.

Unless of course it becomes a group by accident since everyone in the room is singing along.

Rule five: No-one is allowed to do Khe Sanh.

Except Chisel. And no-one’s allowed to do My own Way either.

Rule six: Karaoke must be mixed.

That is, combined terms of ballads and up-tempo numbers, and also mixed in terms of gender. Even though I’m sure it’s fine for women to visit karaoke in a group, there’s something a bit effete about doing it with all males, which no amount of Dark-colored Sabbath can erase.

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